Smokey

Forest fires. They're not awesome, but fighting them sure is. What's even more awesome is the person that tries to stop them from happening in the first place; "prevent" if you will.

A lot of other countries don't have a forest fire problem. Why? Because they are a tropical wetland, because they have firefighting robots, or because they DON'T HAVE FORESTS. Think about it, brainrods...America is the Number One Country for forest fire-awesomeness.

This is where a large, brown bear (who has obviously killed a state trooper and stolen his clothes) comes in, and begins talking to you. Yes, Smokey Bear, the enormous murderer, solemnly addresses his concerns regarding the safety of our forests, and the stupidity of our population.

What's so awesome about Smokey Bear?

- His hat is woven from unicorn shedding
- He sounds like Barry White
- He dated Cher
- He doesn't wear pants all the time
- When he does wear pants, they're tight-rolled jeans
- People think his middle name is "the"
- Smokey Bear Act of 1952 (16 U.S.C. 580 (p-2); 18 U.S.C. 711), which provides for actual imprisonment for those who manufacture goods depicting Smokey Bear without having secured a license from the government
- His hat is actually the top of his head; a birth defect left Smokey with an open skull. Careful!

There's 2 other reasons why Smokey Bear makes America so awesome. They are never brought up publicly.

Comment on what you think makes America the Number One Country.