The Third Gunman

American cheese. Synonymous to Kraft Singles. Found in every Big Mac. Looks like a miniature road-sign.

American cheese. Just saying it makes you think of a color somewhere between orange and yellow. An awesome new color that hasn't been named yet.

I love American cheese. Why? Because it's got my name on it; American cheese is my cheese.

I don't even know why we call it "American cheese." It's obviously here, shouldn't it just be "Cheese"? Look, I don't sleep in "American garages," I don't receive "American restraining orders," and I don't buy "American candy" for children. Let's just call it what it is.

Why is American cheese so good? A brief look back can help us:

When American cheese was invented in 1971, Kennedy's advisors held an emergency meeting with 3M—future inventors of Post-It notes (notice cheese's similarity!?). Those guys knew that once the Nazi's found out, they would hate us for our freedom. They would also hate our cheese's freedom.

So, you might ask, "How good is American cheese?" Well, later that year, Kennedy was assassinated by a man hiding in a book depository. Coincidence?

There aren't any additional reasons why American Cheese makes America so awesome. You read everything you needed to.

Comment on what you think makes America the Number One Country.