You Were in a 4g Inverted Dive with a MiG28?

The movie Starman. That's where I first learned of "the middle finger." If you've seen this Jeff Bridges-vehicle, maybe you remember when he (as an alien) uses a urinal for the first time. He observes the guy next to him so as to learn how to properly relieve himself, and the harried trucker rudely flips him off, saying "Up yours!" I asked my grandma what that meant, and she said it was something bad, and not to do it.

The next week, on the school bus, I flipped off Gene the bully. Gene always needed a shower, and he had homemade tattoos. He was 14. A lot of the times he wore Megadeth t-shirts. These shirts almost always had their sleeves removed. He called me a "bathead." He deserved it.

After my detention, I learned to use the finger sparingly and out of eyesight of authority figures. I came to appreciate its strength and nuance.

Fast-rewind 230 years earlier:

Twenty-four months before declaring our independence from the Brits, William Williamson trademarked the middle finger through the Office of the Continental Congress. In short, America became the owner of the gesture. It was actually the first hand motion to be internationally recognized by the United Nations (U.N. Pref. Assoc. 34(c)-0.1ch7).

At first, no one knew that getting "flipped the bird" was an affront. But, thanks to the local printing press (kudos, Johan Guttenburg), the public learned they should be completely offended by a particular outstretched digit. It was an early taste of the freedom our country would soon have...the freedom to be told what to think. AWESOME!

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