A Ticket for the Bus

Homeless people.

We all love 'em. The way they walk. The way they smell. The way they argue with the wind. It's people like the homeless who make America what it is: a hot mess of nomadic freedom-lovers.

Homeless people are the most patriotic; many recycle, several collect coins, and most of them literally sleep on America.

In this great country, 18% of 19-23-year-olds are homeless. That's 12.4 million young-adult patriots showing the world that even without a home, America's the place to be.

Awesome.

People are always focusing on the bad parts of homelessness. I'm too much of an optimist for that.

The homeless are lucky, because they:

- Don't bother with searching for bathrooms.
- Have the confidence to talk to whomever they want.
- Get to burn stuff in old 55-gallon drums.
- Enjoy different shoes simultaneously.
- Walk around in blankets.
- Are good at yelling.
- Excel at making humorous/scared faces.
- Fall into no tax-bracket.
- Aren't restricted to gender-specific fashion.
- Can't get foreclosed on again.

Anyone with a small part of their brain working can see why being homeless rocks. Leave a comment about why YOU think being homeless is the American way to go.

With Meatballs

In America, our cars subliminally communicate with other drivers. How so? By having objects stuck to the exterior.

Our first piece of "Lookatme!" is the Boeing-sized hood-wing. I believe most refer to it as a "spoiler." An accurate description if there ever was one. It teams with your car's bodykit to personify a third-grader's sketch.

You live in L.A. Traffic will never let you go fast enough to need that, and if it does, you will take to the air in a haphazard, disintegrating fashion. The American way!

Parents across the country have started feeling a little less guilty after admitting, "I love my child's sporting endeavors so much, their personal safety means nothing." Yep. You guessed it, the ol' baseball-stuck-in-my-minivan's-back-window-but-I'm-not-going-to-fix-it gag.

Finally, let's say you add flame decals to your vehicle's logos, grills, and wheel wells. That an American's way of warning you, "This car burns at high-speeds. Stay back."

While it is very nice to give a non-verbal "heads up" to other drivers, the flame may not be the way to go. How awesome would it be if you had spaghetti running down the front panels? Or blood. Now THERE'S something with a bit of a punch: blood.

You will get pulled over, and possibly arrested, but for those short moments driving with your bloody car, people will know you don't mess around. That's right. "I don't mess around, I'm American."

Have an idea for something other than flames? Let your voice be heard in the comments.